When Did it Go Away
by WhoKnows258
Summary: Nick has burnt all of his bridges and it breaks Monroe's heart. Nick/Monroe


**Disclaimer: I don't own Grimm or the Charaters**

**A/N: Based on the song Always Gold by Radical Face**

"What do you want Monroe?" Nick said in a less than friendly ton. He had thought he had been more than clear when he had told Monroe that he would no longer be in need of his help, considering it had an inexplicable way of always being accompanied by an opinion Nick had not asked for.

A small huff was Monroe's initial response followed by the extension of his arm, his hand seemed to be holding a small wrapped gift.

Seriously? Nick thought to himself, a sentiment reflected in his expression. Surely Monroe hadn't come to give Nick a Christmas gift after what Nick had said to him, not that he regretted it.

Time has a funny way of stopping and rushing at you in the same moment. It seemed to be playing the same trick now. Monroe had only been standing outside Nick's door for 30 seconds but it had seemed like a lifetime.

Finally the Blutbad spoke, "One day you are going to want to know what happened and you won't have anyone to ask, so, you should write it down-"

"Write what down?" the Grimm interjected with an indignant tone.

Biting his tongue at the interruption, Monroe continued, "Write everything down, everything from the time you noticed a change, start from before that if you want, but write it down. Then when you're done writing, read it, and find the problem and if it's me, then okay I'll accept that, if it's Juliette, heck, if its you're captain. It doesn't matter; just find out who it is so that you can move on."

Nick smirked for a moment and Monroe cringed inwardly, he barely recognized the man that stood before him.

"Goodbye, Monroe" and with that Nick closed the door, for the last time Monroe imagined. He didn't bother trying to call the man back instead he simply laid the wrapped journal on the doorstep and returned to his vehicle.

Life hadn't changed at all for Monroe, not really he told himself. He had his very strict routine, he was still a master of all things clock related. He remained a skilled cellist. If anything, he thought, he had become a better cook. He told himself this despite the fact that he knew he was deceiving only himself. Everything had changed, there were no more knocks on his door at ungodly hours, there were more beers in his fridge and fewer dishes to clean. There was no reason to speak his German and no one to share his knowledge of the wesen community with, no one who knew any less than him anyways.

But mostly, there was no more Nick and that explained all of the absences Monroe begged himself to ignore. It had been two years since Monroe had left the Journal with his friend and he had not heard from him since, but he sure had heard about him. The Grimm had taken on a rather ruthless reputation even before the interaction between the two men had ceased. It was a logical progression that Monroe had expected, one too many bad ones and sooner or later you get a Grimm who doesn't trust a single wesen. It made sense, really it did, it wasn't fair to expect the impossible of his friend, maybe that was the real reason wesen never interacted with Grimm's, maybe it was because it just hurt too much to see them change.

Monroe thought that he had heard something at the door, but it could have just been a result of his allowing his mind to slip to a time that was inconsequential at this point. Still he felt a need to check just in case.

He almost closed the door without noticing the piece of paper that had been taped to it, it was only a short burst of wind that had made it rustle that brought the sheet to his attention. He recognized the paper immediately; it was from the journal he had left Nick. He hesitated before he reached for it, he had to be wrong, there was no way that Nick had come back, was there?

Quicker than the glimmer of hope had infected his mind, a sharp pain in his chest struck him. The ripped out page had written on it only one word,

You

He didn't have to question what it meant, at least Nick had taken his advice. He hadn't been able to get through to Nick in the last few months of their friendship, but that didn't change the fact that Monroe knew who the Grimm was at his core, he was a good person, a kind person. Nick was the type of guy who would do what had to be done and then allow it to haunt him for the next two weeks. Monroe knew it was true despite the fact that Nick had hidden it before he had stepped out of Monroe's daily life. He knew that losing everyone, Juliette, Hank, Wu, maybe even, hopefully, selfishly, Monroe himself, had hurt Nick unquestionably and he knew that eventually the weight of the loss would be too much for the former detective to bare. He had told Nick that it didn't matter who Nick found to blame, even if it meant the blutbad, and at the time he had been prepared for such a conclusion. Today however, today it simply killed him.

Two days later Monroe scolded himself for still allowing such a simple word to weigh so heavily on his mind, and yet it didn't stop. He went about his schedule a strictly planned flurry of activity and finally after 16 agonizingly long hours he decided it was an acceptable time to retreat to his room.

He was stopped however by an unexpected knock at the door. At first he forced himself to continue his trek up the stairs convinced that his mind was playing tricks on him. But then it happened again, a knock that was painfully familiar and sorely missed, Nicks' knock. His mind told him not to rush to the door, it said when he opened the door he would only be met with more hurt. Unfortunately, the blutbads feet didn't have the same reservations and he was at the door in a flash.

"You" Nick said as soon as the door was open enough to see Monroe's face. His tone was rough but not angry, more determined Monroe decided. Whether it was because he couldn't think of what to say or because he simply could not bring himself to say it, Monroe stayed silent. He kept his eyes fixed on the man that he had known. "You were always there" the Grimm continued "every time".

Finally starting to process what was being said to him Monroe felt a need to speak up "Okay" he said "I really hope it helps Nick" he said completely genuinely, lowering his head almost unnoticeably, almost.

Nick's brow furrowed and his eyes softened, he ran his hand through his hair seemingly exasperated. "No matter what happened, when I accused you of being a kidnapper, you helped me solve the case. When it meant Angelina might be arrested you still helped me, just by not helping her. When I was attacked by that ogre you were at the hospital in minutes, you protected Hank when I couldn't. Reapers came after you and you let me finish my case before telling me what happened. Monroe that was all in the first three months of knowing me! Do you understand that?"

Honestly, Monroe had no idea where Nick was going with this.

"I told you that you were expendable, replaceable Monroe! When I didn't even recognize myself you showed up at my house and you gave me a journal. Even though we haven't spoken for two years you were there for me every day! Now I come to your house, late at night after not seeing you for years and it sounds like I'm blaming you for everything that has gone wrong in my life. Monroe - you accept the blame, not because you believe it but because you think it will help me! It's always you Monroe, you're always there."

"Sounds like" was the blutbads sarcastic if uncertain response.

"I love you" Nick said completely confident, completely certain, completely resolute.

Monroe blinked once, twice before responding "Nick, I think maybe you're remembering an idealized version of the past-"

"I don't need to remember Monroe, when I walked up to your door with the note, when I walked up to the door tonight I felt it, you don't have to feel the same way, but there is no question in my mind Monroe, I love you"

Monroe tried his best to produce a sarcastic chuckle but it couldn't hide the smile that had found its way to his face "want a beer?"


End file.
